kradamhol_mods (kradamhol_mods) wrote in kradam_holidays,
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Fic for scarlett_o: Comfortable Distance

Title: Comfortable Distance
Author: Jingle Bell Elf
Recipient's LJ Name: scarlett_o
Rating: Light R
Warnings: None.
Pairing(s): Kris/Adam, Adam/OMC(s), Kris/OMC, Tommy/Cale
Word Count: 9000+
Summary: Kris thinks he got stuck with the worst roommate ever.
Notes: I hope this is okay and it fits in with what you wanted. My first time writing a college AU. Enjoy!


Kris is having a bad day. The level of just how bad it is has been creeping up slowly as the day progressed. He is five minutes away from his dorm room and he just wants to curl up in bed and forget the whole day ever happened. It's always the days that start off so well that end up being the worst. When he woke up to a note left by his estranged roommate saying he was going to be gone for a week, Kris actually did a little dance on the spot.

It's not that he doesn't like the guy. It's just he really can't figure him out. They have been roommates for 3 months and the amount of things he knows about Adam Lambert could fit on a post it note. It doesn't help that he holds a certain amount of resentment towards the guy. He wanted a private room, he likes his own space, but when he turned up Adam's stuff all across their room Kris was not impressed.

So, yeah the one thing that kept him from not completely breaking down today is the thought of his own space. Cale thinks that Kris is becoming an old man before his time. He even bought him a pair of old man slippers for his birthday. Cale thinks that he is funny. Kris just thinks his an ass.

When he unlocks the door to his building Kris nearly breaks out into a sprint because he is so close. He should probably shower when he gets in but he knows as soon as he sees his bed that thought will not even register. He pushes the door open, smiling as he remembers the care package his mom sent him earlier in the week. He still has cookies left, the best cookies in the world.

He is obviously too lost in his own thoughts because he doesn't hear the sounds coming from the room, so he is more than shocked to see Adam sprawled out naked on his bed with a guy's face buried in his crotch. Kris takes a step backwards and crashes into the door frame. The guy on Adam jumps back and mutters a line of expletives and tries to gather some of his dignity. Adam just laughs, that laugh that has been pissing Kris off since the moment he arrived.

Adam moves quickly, slipping off the bed and pulling on a pair of loose jeans, not bothering to zip them up. He turns to the guy, who is tiny and blonde and far too pretty, he rubs a finger along his lip to whisper something Kris can't hear.

Adam saunters across the room to Kris and smiles. “Kris... I don't suppose you could find somewhere else to stay tonight?”

Kris looks at his bed longingly. “I thought you were out of town.”

Adam looks over his shoulder and laughs before turning back to face Kris. “Yeah, change of plans. I got... distracted before I had a chance to leave.”

Kris sighs and takes his bag off his shoulder. “Just let me grab some stuff.”

Adam nods and walks back over to his bed, pulling the guy into his lap. Seriously, does he have no shame at all? At least wait till Kris has left the room. Kris rushes into the bathroom and grabs what he needs off the counter. When he comes back in the room, Adam and whoever the guy is are making out slow and determined. He doesn't even bother with a goodbye, he just grabs a t-shirt from his dresser, picks up his bag and leaves.



Kris ignores Cale's call. He knows it will be Cale trying to force him to come out but he suffered enough this morning after a night out with Cale yesterday. He can't handle it two nights in a row. He doesn't know how Cale manages it.

He has lost track of time. He's been sitting on his bed, back resting against the wall with his guitar on his lap. Sometimes the inspiration comes and sometimes it doesn't. His notebook is empty and he has been strumming the same tune over and over again for the last half hour. He knows when to give up. He has a whole bunch of study that he should have been doing instead but it's far less desirable than working on the one thing he really loves doing.

Cale and Kris have been joking for a long time about starting a band. It's only over the past few weeks that Kris has been giving it some serious thought. He rests the guitar down ON the floor and shuffles down until he is laid out flat on his back. He glances over to Adam's unmade bed and tries to remember the last time he saw Adam. He thinks it was at the weekend when Adam stumbled in at four in the morning and fell over. When Kris woke up, Adam was asleep on the floor, drooling and covered in a crazy amount of glitter.

Kris has only ever had one conversation with Adam that held any kind of meaning. Kris had just broken up with Hannah (who apparently Cale had never liked and believed to be far too intense for someone like Kris who is so laid back he is practically horizontal, Cale's words, not Kris') and Adam had wandered into their room looking unusually dressed down and tired. He started talking about something being really off with the energy in the room and that there was a lot of negative vibes radiating off Kris. It was the only time Kris had ever told Adam anything personal about himself and it was the only time Adam ever seemed interested.

Kris turns off the lamp and pulls his blanket over himself. He shouldn't dwell on when Adam is next going to turn up he should just enjoy the fact he isn't here right now.

He hears the key in the lock and face plants into the pillow. He can hear Adam talking quietly and the unmistakeable sound of another male voice. He is about to get up and open the door himself when it flings open and then closes quietly.

“Shhh... shh... my roommates here.” Adam manages to get the words out in between quiet laughs.

“Roommate? Will he mind?”

“He's asleep.” By the sound he hears, Adam is obviously kissing the guy. Kris' memory flickers back to the night he found Adam in bed with that guy and he wonders if this is the same one. It's unlikely.

“He's right there... will he want to join in?” The guy's voice is suggestive and seductive. And hell no.

“Hmm... if I haven't told you before, I really like you...” Adam kisses him again. “But Kris? No way. Let's just say I got the most vanilla roommate in the history of roommates.”

They both laugh and then the only thing Kris can hear is clothing being removed and soft moans and grunts. He is officially livid. He wants to get up and tell them to get the fuck out of his room, but he has left it far too long not to seem like some kind of weird pervert. And he is not vanilla thank you very much. It's just more confirmation to him that Adam doesn't know shit.

Adam groans loudly, it's unmistakeably Adam. Kris is about to pull the pillow over his head when Adam groans again and his body betrays him. The sound shoots straight through Kris' body and hits his stomach. Adam is panting heavily, moaning the word yes repeatedly and Kris' body responds to every single sound. He rationalises it. He is a guy. He likes sex. And there are two people having sex just a few feet away. It doesn't mean anything. It just means he is horny and needs to get laid like yesterday. If Kris shifts slightly so he can look over at Adam's bed, it's purely out of curiosity and nothing else, even though that is bad enough. He can't see anything in the darkness, just the view of two bodies under the covers. He keeps his hands in a death grip under his pillow, no matter how hard he is getting at the sounds Adam is making, he refuses to jerk off to his roommate having sex with whomever he brought home tonight.

He closes his eyes tightly and tries to ignore every single sensation running through his body. He thinks about un-sexy things, like his Aunt Muriel and Cale's bare ass. He recites the chords to Killing Me Softly over and over in his mind. It's all rather futile. It's only when the sounds from across the room finally end that his body gives out and lets him relax enough to fall asleep.



Things aren't exactly awkward. Mostly because Adam goes MIA for a week after what Kris is now referring to as the incident. The few times Kris did see Adam he hadn't been able to look him in the eye and he found himself blushing like an idiot. He made the stupid mistake of telling Cale the story and he of course finds it highly amusing but he is slightly confused because apparently he didn't realise that Kris was gay now.

Kris decides he needs new friends. Then he takes a long time to think about what Cale said. He never really thought about it before. Growing up he had girlfriends and everything seemed fine. His first serious girlfriend, Kelly, was amazing. They couldn't keep their hands off each other and if it wasn't for a butch football player named Jason, Kris wonders whether they would still be together now. It's weird small things he remembers though, like how when Kelly told him she had been cheating on him for two months instead of being heartbroken he kind of felt relieved. He told himself it was because college was looming and they both had plans that involved opposite ends of the country but thinking about it now Kris isn't so sure.

Something has always felt a little off with Kelly, Hannah and the three other girls he has slept with. It's all been fine. But just that, fine. Something about that just doesn't sit well with Kris. He feels like he has been missing out on a whole range of experiences just because he didn't bother to think about it. There really is such a thing as being too laid back it would seem. He decides to call up Cale and ask him to go out drinking with him tomorrow night. He knows this is going to take a lot of talking out and a lot of alcohol.

They end up at a gay bar because apparently Cale is the funniest person in the whole world. For the first hour Cale points out various guys and asks Kris if he thinks they are hot. By his fourth beer he and Cale have worked out a very extensive rating system. It involves shoes, how much hair product they have in and guessing their musical tastes.

“Why didn't you tell me sooner man? Think of the fun we could have been having doing this?” Cale gestures around enthusiastically and Kris wonders if maybe Cale is having a little too much fun.

Kris shrugs. “I didn't know.”

Cale tilts his head and looks very unconvinced. “You didn't know?”

“I didn't think about it. I had girlfriends and that was that.”

Cale shakes his head. “This Lambert guy has a lot to answer for.”

Kris nods because he really does. Not just about this, but a whole world of things that Kris isn't going to dump on Cale right now.

Cale clumsily jumps off the bar stool. “You know what we need to do? We need to get you your first gay experience.”

Kris is pretty sure listening to Adam and that guy was his first gay experience, and also the crazy amount of gay porn he discovered on the internet last night. He won't tell Cale that though, Kris isn't quite sure how he would react to that.

“I'm not that kind of guy, Cale.”

“How do you know you're not? This is a whole new experience for you. I say you embrace your slutty side and go get some.”

“Did you just say go get some?”

Cale stares down at his empty glass. “I think I'm kind of drunk.”

Kris laughs and gets the attention of the bartender. He orders another two beers and looks around the bar. It's fairly quiet and laid back in here. Kris likes it. The places Cale usually makes him go to are loud and full of sweaty people all climbing over one another. Not that Kris objects to that every now and then but sometimes it's a bit too much.

There's a guy sitting at the end of the bar looking in his direction, smiling shyly. The first thing Kris notices are his eyes. They are a bright kind of green, sparkly looking in the dim lighting. He looks behind him to make sure that the guy isn't looking at someone else because that would just be embarrassing. When he turns back the guy is laughing directly at him. The next few moments seem to happen ridiculously fast. The guy is walking towards him and sitting down next to him. He glances around trying to find Cale, but he seems to have disappeared.

“Hi.”

Kris breathes in deeply and turns to look at the guy. He is even prettier close up, blonde hair and full lips. His body is big and he towers over Kris. He sits down and holds out his free hand. “I'm James.”

“Hi.” Kris takes his hand and grips tightly. “I'm Kris.”

“Is that guy you were with your boyfriend?”

“No, he's just a friend.”

When James laughs Kris' body moves forward slightly. He smiles ridiculously wide and he can't stop thinking about how nice James' smile is. “It's a good thing because he's getting pretty up close and personal on the dance floor.”

James nods in the direction of the DJ booth. Kris turns to see Cale jumping around, grinding up against several people who are most definitely not women. Kris even sees someone grab Cale's ass and he just laughs and keeps on dancing. Kris isn't going to let Cale forget this for a very long time.

“So I'm about to use a cliché line but do you come here often? I've not seen you here before.”

Kris laughs at that. Because it really was cliché and completely cheesy but James is still smiling at him so he finds he doesn't care all that much. “It's my first time here actually.”

James nods. “Are you having a good time?”

“So far it's been pretty uneventful. Well if I don't count my so called straight friend partying it up with all the guys on the dance floor.”

“He's straight? You might want to tell him that.”

Kris lets James buy him another drink, and then Kris buys one for them both and it gets to the point where he can't remember how many drinks he's had since James started talking to him. Kris isn't an idiot, he can tell when someone is coming onto him. But so far James has just chatted to him, he knows about where Kris grew up his strong dislike for mushrooms and even where he gets his haircut. So it kind of surprises him in a lull of conversation when James leans in and kisses him. Now Kris isn't sure about gay etiquette seeing how this is his first time in a gay bar. But a little warning or hint might have been nice. He doesn't let that stop him from getting into it though. James' lips are soft and inviting and it's really hard to object to the way his tongue moves with Kris'.

Kris is vaguely aware of the tapping on his shoulder, he tries his best to ignore it and concentrate on the warmth of James' hand resting on his thigh. Then James pulls back and looks over Kris' shoulder looking slightly amused.

“Kris... I'm heading out. I met some guys and they know about this club a few blocks over.”

Kris can't believe the words that are falling out of Cale's mouth right now. He is kind of buzzing from the beer so he can't help the giggles that leave him. Even when he tries to speak there is still a lot of laughter mixed in. “Cale... are you sure that's a good idea? I mean... do you know...”

But Kris can't get the words out, it's all too hilarious and Cale looks like Kris just kicked his puppy so he tells Cale that he should go and have a good time. But Kris promises there will be a phone call about this in the morning.



Kris has no idea how he ends up in his dorm room flat on his back with James looming over him. Okay, he does know. It was because James offered to walk him home and then kissed the breath out of him at his door. Then there was Kris inviting James in and what else does that mean? It doesn't mean come inside and let me play my guitar for you. Even though Kris did actually say that. He thinks he will be highly embarrassed by that in the morning.

James' hands are slow and searching across Kris' bare skin. Kris feels more alive with every touch and when James finds a place on Kris' body that causes Kris to arch up he explores it further seeing just how much Kris can take. This moment definitely confirms to Kris that he is gay. His body is hungry for it, searching out James' body with his hands, wanting to kiss him, touching him and everything all at the same time. He feels more than overwhelmed.

James' lips press against Kris' stomach, just above his jeans, his fingers are poised on the zipper looking up into Kris' eyes for confirmation. Kris is ready to shout hell yes when the door flings open and in walks Adam.

At first Adam doesn't seem to realise they are there. He is alone, which in itself is unusual, but he also looks very pissed off. Finally Adam looks in the direction of Kris' bed and his expression can't be described as surprised. It surpasses that and then some. Then Adam's face drops and he is mumbling an apology and scrambling to pick things up from his bed, something about him needing them for a class tomorrow. Kris looks at James, mouth pretty and swollen and then back at Adam frantic and clearly upset. He knows he will kick himself for what he is about to do.

“Adam... it's okay.” Kris turns to James. “Rain check?”

James looks disappointed but he nods in understanding. Kris pulls on his shirt and hands James his. They say goodbye at the door and James gives Kris his number. Kris doesn't promise to call because for some reason he feels like the moment might have passed.

Kris finds Adam sitting on his bed staring down at his guitar. “Is that yours?”

“I've had that in here for the past three months and you're asking if it's mine? Really?”

“Oh.”

Kris said that with a little too much of a bitchy edge, but he just gave up getting laid so this guy didn't have to leave his own room. He thinks he has a right to be pissed off.

“You didn't have to do that. I could have crashed at a friend's or something...”

“It's fine. I have a feeling I might have regretted it in the morning. Besides I'm not that guy...”

“Unlike me, right?”

“I didn't say that.”

“I see the way you look at me, Kris. All disapproving and judgemental.”

Kris is taken aback because he doesn't remember a time he has ever felt that way looking at Adam. Sure he has been pissed off at him and generally annoyed that Adam was sharing a room with him but he really didn't know him well enough to feel any of those things.

“What...”

“So imagine how surprised I was to walk in and see that.”

“Wait... back up. What exactly are you accusing me of?”

“Nothing... just. You've barely spoken to me and I don't hide who I am. I thought that bothered you. Every time I've brought a guy back you looked like I'd kicked you in the balls or something. I just assumed...”

Kris is really starting to think that Adam might be an idiot. Because if he can't figure out why Kris would be annoyed by walking into his own room and finding Adam naked with some random guy then they seriously need to figure out better ground rules. That's when it occurs to Kris that they never actually set any up.

“I don't care that you're gay. Clearly. As it turns out I think I might be a little bit gay too. But... that's not the point. Walking into my room and finding you making out with guys was not what I signed up for. I wanted a private room and ended up here.”

“I wanted a private room too, you know? For this exact reason, I knew that people would not be cool with this.”

“I think it's safe to say that all people would not be cool with this and not because of the gay thing. But because of a boundaries and a personal space thing.”

Adam glances down at Kris' guitar again with a huffy expression on his face. “You could have told me that you play guitar.”

“What does that have to do with this conversation?”

“It has everything to do with this conversation. I thought you were just some homophobic jerk and that's why you didn't try and talk to me. But it turns out you're this artistic musician who picks up hot guys and brings them back to his room.”

“Okay, I don't do that. I've done it once and it's not likely to happen again.”

Adam tilts his head. “Why not? You liked him, right?”

Kris sighs and heads over to his dresser and pulls out a pair of sweat pants. “I didn't know the guy. My friend took me out drinking to have my first gay experience and then ditched me to go dance with hot guys.”

“Sounds like a good friend.”

“Believe me, that is not usual behaviour for him and he will be reminded of the events from tonight for a very long time.”

Adam smiles slightly. “I guess we need to work something out huh? Some kind of system.”

Kris sits down next to Adam. “Just give me a heads up.” Kris reaches to his cell phone and gets Adam to put his number in. “If you want the room to yourself send me a text and it's yours.”

“Ditto.”

“I'm sorry you thought I was homophobic jerk.”

“I'm sorry I made out with a guy on your bed.”

“What?”

“I'm sorry! I thought you were an ass and that it would be funny. If it makes you feel better I didn't have sex with him on it. We kind of fell off the bed and did it on the floor...”

Kris holds up his hands. “It's fine. Let's just call a truce and say no more making out with guys on each other's beds.”

“Deal.”

Adam smiles and goes back to his bed. Kris closes his eyes and tries to ignore the slight dull pain in his head. He is going to wake up tomorrow with a killer headache that not enough pain killers will be able to help. Kris heads to the bathroom and showers quickly. It wakes him up and makes him alert to what it was he did tonight. When he gets back to the room and sees his bed, the sheets still crumpled from where he and James had been, he blushes and feels extremely embarrassed by the whole thing. He doesn't know why it's hitting him now. He had been into it, more than into it. He had wanted it to happen but he just can't get rid of the thought that if he had gone through with it, it would have been an awful memory of his first time with a guy.

It goes back to his views on intimacy and sex. It has always been the same, he has always felt that it's so much better when it's with someone you really care about. He is judging this on past girlfriends, of course, which all seems a bit futile now. But it doesn't change how he feels or what he believes. And when it comes down to it, Kris is not the kind of person who can hook up with strangers and feel good about it in the morning. He has always felt a huge sense of sadness for those people because he feels like they are searching for something they won't ever find.

“Kris?” Adam whispers across the room. He is already in bed, the covers pulled up close.

“Yeah?”

“You should play for me sometime.”

Kris nods. “Okay.”



In some ways things get a lot easier. Adam still disappears a lot but when he is around, he texts Kris. It's not just about needing the room either. He texts Kris random things that happen throughout his day. He learns without Adam even needing to tell him that Adam is a performing arts student. He figures it out himself when Adam texts him about rehearsals every day for two weeks. In other ways things get harder, Kris finds himself piled down with work and in desperate need of spring break. It's two weeks away though and Kris has no idea if he will make it.

What does help is that Cale appears to be not so straight anymore. What makes it even more hilarious is how Cale tries to cover it up. Of course Kris spoke to Cale as soon as he could about their night out and Cale groaned and insisted he had been so wasted he had no idea what he was doing. Then Kris spotted Cale in the coffee shop in town talking closely to a pretty blonde guy with lots of make up on. Cale looked terrified when Kris went over and said hi. The same small things have been happening for the past month. He'd go to Cale's dorm room and the pretty guy, Tommy, would be there. He'd go out to bars with Cale and Tommy would tag along. Kris is kind of missing just spending time with Cale, hanging out and talking music. It's a miracle they are managing to get that time now, but studying and the promise of beer after, won Cale over.

“So are you dating that Tommy guy or what?” Kris figures he may as well just come out and ask. Who knows when he'll get a moment alone with Cale again.

“What? I...”

“It's cool. You should know that already though. I mean I'm kind of pissed that you're stealing my gay thunder. I was making the big coming out announcement and in you sweep with your new pretty boyfriend to show me up.” Kris says it all with a smile but Cale looks very serious.

“I'm not... I mean. I'm not gay. I still like girls. It's just, I met Tommy that night at the bar and I like him.”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

Cale shrugs. “I don't know. You've had your own stuff going on and I... I guess I was embarrassed.”

Cale really is ridiculous sometimes. “You don't need to be embarrassed with me. It's cool man. And Tommy seems great. Although I bet he's getting pissed off putting up with your bullshit.”

“That's almost a direct quote from him.” Cale smiles.

“Next time we're all together maybe you should try introducing him as your boyfriend.”

Cale nods. Kris goes to find beer in the mini fridge because he thinks the moment calls for a drink and he is sick and tired of staring at the same page in his text book and getting nowhere.



Why the people in his dorm thought it would be a good idea to throw a party is beyond Kris. They last party they had was one week into term and the mess that everyone had to clean up was insane. He remembers hearing someone say never again and yet here he is. Surrounded by at least a hundred drunk people and talking to the one couple in the room who decided to be all over each other. Kris is starting to wish he hadn't asked Cale about him and Tommy because ever since he had they have been all over each other. These are the kind of couples that make Kris want to punch people in the face, and he isn't even the violent type.

Tommy is a good guy though. He humours Kris when he talks about starting up a band and tries to convince Cale that it would be a good idea. Kris doesn't want to think of the things Tommy will do to convince Cale further.

Kris is so desperate for the next week to be over. He thinks about all the studying he has crammed in over the last week and how he should probably be in his room doing even more. He did try but the thud of the music and Cale knocking on the door every five minutes was too much of a distraction. He has seen Adam a few times tonight, hanging around with a dark haired girl laughing a lot and looking entirely sober. He imagined that this would be the perfect setting for Adam to drink and have a good time. In all the times he has seen Adam a majority of those he is sure Adam was drunk.

He takes a sip of his warm beer and then someone comes behind Tommy and lifts him up like he weighs nothing at all. “James!” Tommy says happily.

Shit. James. That's the same James Kris hooked up with and very much did not call. James spots him straight away of course because life is just awesome like that. “Kris.”

“Hi James.”

“So everyone knows each other but me?” Cale's tone has a slight hint of jealousy, his eyes watching the way James is standing very close to Tommy.

“How do you two know each other?” Kris thinks Tommy knows exactly how they know each other if the look on his face is anything to go by.

“Well, Kris and I... we met at the bar a couple of weeks ago and he never called me.”

Kris takes a sip of his drink and looks anywhere but in the direction of the three people staring at him.

“Ouch.” Tommy laughs. “Guess you're not the big stud you think you are.”

Kris thinks now would be a good time to make up an excuse and go back to his room. But James is moving away from Tommy and heading into Kris' personal space. Tommy is all over Cale again so he can't hope either one of them will rescue him.

“So... I guess I should take the hint right?”

“I'm sorry. That's not me, I mean that night... I thought I wanted, I don't know but... it's nothing to do with you I'm just not that guy.”

James nods. “It's okay really. I've been there.”

“I still should have called and explained...”

“Really, it's fine. I should have gotten the hint when your roommate came in. I saw the way you looked at him...”

“What? You think there's something going on with me and my roommate?”

“Isn't there?”

Kris feels like bursting out laughing. “No.”

“Oh. Well... never mind then. My mistake.”

There's something about James' expression that makes Kris think he doesn't really mean that. That James doesn't think he has made a mistake at all. Kris stares at him for what feels like a very long, awkward time and tries to process what he is saying. It's ridiculous that anyone would even think that. And what does he mean by the way Kris had looked at Adam? The only feelings Kris can associate with looking at Adam is confusion and irritation. Yeah, things have been easier the past few weeks and they actually talk now but that was after that night and it's completely irrelevant because Kris does not look at Adam in a way. I mean, perhaps Adam's texts have slowly been becoming the highlight of his day but he puts that down to Adam being quite funny in them.

Kris has been to lost in thought that he didn't notice Adam is suddenly there with them, staring at Kris with a expectant face. Why is everyone else staring at him too? Adam's expression is unreadable, like there is something he wants to say but doesn't know how to.

“Kris?”

“Huh? What?”

Adam laughs. “Can I talk you?”

Kris nods. “Yeah.”

“Alone?”

As he passes James he gets a small smile which Kris is going to pretend is absolutely nothing at all. Kris follows Adam back to their room in some kind of strange daze. He just can't forget James' words. He can't quite figure out where they came from. Adam opens their door and sits down on Kris' bed. The last few times they have talked Adam has done that. The room is dimly lit by the lamp on Kris' dresser and Adam is kicking off his boots and lifting up his legs to sit cross legged on the bed. He follows Adam's gaze to Kris' guitar and he knows exactly where this is going.

“Do you take requests?”

“That depends.” Kris moves across the room slowly, putting his beer down on the dresser as he passes by.

“On?”

“What song you want to request.” Kris smiles and sits down on the bed opposite Adam. Kris isn't sure if it's the lighting or if it's because this is the first time he has actually bothered to look at Adam's face this close up before. But Adam's eyes are a brilliant blue, shining and bright, looking at Kris with intent.

“So come on? What song?”

Adam bites his lip. “You can't laugh.”

“I will promise no such thing.” Kris leans over and picks up his guitar, strumming it softly as Adam continues to work his bottom lip between his teeth. The gloss that Adam usually wears isn't there tonight, instead Kris can see a cluster of freckles on them. He has to fight the urge to lean in and look closer.

“Boys of Summer.”

“Boys of Summer? That's it? That isn't embarrassing at all. I'm disappointed in you, Lambert.”

Adam laughs and does a weird bouncy thing on the bed, like he has too much energy or something. Kris shakes his head. “You know the song right? I mean how to play it...”

“I do.”

It's actually one of Kris' favourites to play. One of the first songs he learnt on the guitar. The versions he does of the song have changed over the years as he got more comfortable with his guitar. He used to suffer heavily from nerves. He puts it down to his mom forcing him to sing for them every Christmas. After a while he just got used to it, pulling out the guitar before his mom even asked. There were several talent shows his mom made him enter as well, but Kris tries not to think about those too much.

He starts playing and Adam's eyes light up just as Kris starts to sing. That's when Kris closes his eyes and tries to pretend that Adam isn't there with him, watching him like that. It's the first time in forever that he can remember being nervous, his palms feel a little sweaty and all he can think about is whether Adam thinks he is good or not. It's a good job he knows the lyrics instinctively because James' words are back in his mind again, unrelenting.

It can't be that Kris likes Adam? He doesn't know Adam. If Kris was basing this on a purely aesthetic point of view then yeah he would put Adam in the category of super hot but it's not just about that. Even that thought alone shocks him. He thinks Adam is hot. That came out of nowhere at all. He finishes the song, kind of dazed and confused and when he opens his eyes Adam is looking at him in awe.

“Holy shit.”

Kris smiles dumbly and fidgets a little before putting his guitar back against the wall. Kris feels the bed shift and when he turns back Adam has wriggled closer to him, his hands sort of reaching out in Kris' direction.

“I didn't... I don't know what I was expecting but... wow. You have a beautiful voice.”

No one has ever called his voice beautiful. Ever. “Thank you.”

“Seriously, that kind of talent should not be wasted.”

“I've been trying to convince my friend to start a band with me but he's kind of... reluctant.”

“Why? He's heard you sing, right?”

Kris nods. “Yeah, we jam together a bit. The thing is, with Cale he kind of has this set out plan for himself. His folks are kind of hard on him and yeah I guess he wants to please them.”

“I get it. That's not your only option though. I mean there must be auditions or... you could ask around, there's got to be people with hidden talents and desperate dreams around here.”

Kris is sure Adam could convince people to do anything if he really tried. Kris is close to running out the door and shouting to everyone at the party that he wants to start a band. Adam puts his hand on Kris' leg and it stops any random plans he has.

“Thank you for the song. It's been a really crappy day and I've been waiting to ask you to sing to me until I really needed it. I had a feeling you'd be amazing.”

“What would you have done if I had been awful?”

Adam shrugs. “Lied?”

“Nice.” Kris laughs.

“I wouldn't have wanted to hurt your feelings. You're opinion of me is already tainted, like I want it to get any worse.”

Kris knows Adam is joking, but there's a slight edge of hurt there as well. “My opinion of you isn't tainted. We just got off to a bad start.”

“So you don't think I'm so bad after all?” Adam smiles.

“No, you're not so bad... I guess.”

Adam does this amazing thing when he laughs, his body leans back and it stretches the thin fabric of the shirt he is wearing. Kris is now noticing Adam's body, his long legs and big hands, his lips and eyes, his shoulders and his thighs in the tight jeans he is wearing. He is very much aware that Adam is on his bed and that he has been staring at Adam intently for an uncountable amount of time.

Adam clears his throat. “So I guess I should... get back to the party.”

“Yeah...”

“My friend told me that if I left her alone to fight off frat boys she'd kill me.”

“Sounds like you'll be having as much fun as I will, watching Tommy and Cale make out all night.”

“That sounds a lot better than my plans actually. Are they hot?” Adam smirks.

“I'd say Tommy is but thinking about Cale as hot kind of weirds me out. We've been friends a long time.”

Adam nods. “I hear you.”

Adam goes to move off the bed and Kris, for some reason he has no idea why, reaches out to stop him. “Or... we could just stay in here? If your friend can't find you she can't find you and Tommy and Cale won't make me want to cut my eyes out and throw them at them.”

Adam glances at the door and then back at Kris. “Sure. But you have to sing me another song.”



Spring break is exactly what Kris needs. Everyone disappears off campus and it's eerie just how silent the dorms and the library get. Kris enjoys it while he can. He gets an earful from Cale about not joining him and Tommy on their big adventure to wherever it is they are going. But he promises to hang out with them both when they get back next week.

Kris hasn't seen Adam at all since their sing-a-long night. Adam pulled out a bottle of stashed Vodka and they ended up singing Queen covers until four in the morning. When Kris woke up the next day, late for class and feeling worse for wear, Adam wasn't there, just a note saying he had gone to his parents over the break. He's been getting texts every day though, little things. Pictures of Adam's parents' house, the back yard and the tree he and his brother used to climb when they were kids. Kris thinks he learns more about Adam in the texts than he does when they have an actual conversation.

He's had a lazy day, he does some laundry and goes food shopping, then meets up with James for a coffee, who as it turns out is actually a really nice guy. He got to talking to him properly when he was dragged along on one of Cale and Tommy's dates and James has been helping Kris with ideas to get gigs in the local area. It seems the awkwardness of their first encounter has passed. He watches TV all night and catches up with a bunch of shows he missed in favour of studying or going out drinking. By the time he looks at the clock it's nearly 1am and his eyes are fighting to stay open. He pulls the blanket over him and that's when his cell phone starts ringing.

Kris looks at the caller id, panic being the first thing he feels because who would be calling him so late at night? When he sees that it's Adam, relief floods away the panic and he smiles, answering straight away.

“Hi...”

“You sound sleepy. Shit, did I wake you?”

“No, I'm in bed just not sleeping.”

“Oh.”

“What's up?”

“I just wondered how you felt about goldfish.”

“Goldfish?”

“Yeah, see my brother bought me a goldfish and I kind of love the little guy and I don't entirely trust my parents not to kill him. So I was wondering if I brought him back with me...”

“You called me at 1am to see if I'd be okay with having a goldfish in our room?”

“Yes?”

“You're a strange person you know that?”

Adam laughs. “I'm aware of that.”

The line goes quiet and Kris is about to check that Adam is still there when he hears a heavy sigh. “You okay?”

“Yeah... just being back here. It makes me feel a bit... boxed in. So many questions about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.”

“Why do you think I didn't go home?”

“Have you just been there by yourself?”

“Nah. Cale and Tommy were here for a little while but they have run off for some big adventure, I've hung out with James a bit...”

“James?”

“Yeah... you know the guy I was with when you walked in on me and him?”

“Oh. So... are you and him... together?”

“No, no. Just a friend... I guess I'm the kind of guy who always ends up being the friend and not... more.”

“Hmm, I don't believe that for a second. Do you like him?”

Kris has actually asked himself that question a lot over the last few days. James is good looking and sweet but there is something that is missing. He can't quite explain it. “I... no. I feel like I should like him but, I don't know. I guess the spark just isn't there or something.”

“You need the spark.”

“What about you? You breaking hearts over there?”

Adam laughs. “No. I've actually been behaving myself for the last month or so. I'm surprised you haven't noticed. No falling into our room in a drunken state forcing you to leave.”

Kris hasn't really thought about it actually. He has just enjoyed having Adam's friendship and forgot how things had been when they first met.

“Why the sudden change?”

“I don't know. I want something more, it's better when it means something.”

Kris nods in agreement, a gesture that is lost on Adam. There's another silence except for their breathing. Kris closes his eyes and listens closely to Adam. He imagines Adam being there with him, close enough to not just hear his breath but feel it on his skin.

“Kris? Did you fall asleep?”

“Almost.”

“Can I call you tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

Adam says goodnight and Kris mumbles something back the same, sleep working its hardest to pull him under. He doesn't want Adam to go just yet, there's something he wants to ask.

“What did you name the goldfish?”

“Jonathan.”



They end up speaking every night that week. Adam makes Kris sing to him a few very embarrassing times. Adam was due to come back a few days ago but his Grandma got sick and he decided to stay home a few more days. Kris ignores the disappointment he felt when Adam texted him to let him know. He is on his way to meet James for coffee which is now becoming a daily ritual of his spring break. He is running late because he was up talking to Adam until 3am last night. He showered quickly this morning and didn't even bother to look in the mirror to see what his hair was doing. When he gets to the coffee shop, James laughs at him.

“Late again, Allen.”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“It's okay, I understand you must be missing your boyfriend.”

“He's not my boyfriend!”

James nods. “Sure. You just speak to him every night.”

Kris shrugs out his jacket and orders his coffee. They always start like this, James tries to get Kris to reveal something about how he feels about Adam and Kris tries to change the subject. It's not that he doesn't want to talk about it but Kris doesn't really know how he feels. He knows that he misses Adam, that he spends a lot of time thinking about, a lot of time at night... thinking about him. Sometimes when he is on the phone with Adam, Kris lets him ramble on just so he can hear Adam's voice for longer.

“I got you a gig.”

“What?” Kris isn't even sitting down before James tells him.

“It's here. I know the owner... okay I'm sleeping with the owner. But a gigs a gig, right?”

“Here?” Kris looks around and tries to figure out where he will be performing and when exactly.

“They want to open the place up at night, get a different crowd in, and they want some musicians to play a few nights. I said I had a friend who was amazing.”

“Does he not want to hear me first?”

James shakes his head. “He trusts me. Just don't fuck up.”

James runs off a bunch of dates and makes Kris write them all down. If they like him enough he could potentially perform here two nights a week. Kris feels a huge surge of excitement and the first thing he does is reach for his phone and scroll to Adam's number. He stops before he calls though, he realises that has to mean something. The person he wanted to call was Adam. Adam.

James leans over the table and looks at Kris' phone, then nods. “Just friends huh?”



Kris declines James' offer to hang out at his with some friends in favour of taking the long walk home. He could get the bus, they are still running but for some reason he feels like he needs sometime outside to clear his head. His phone feels heavy in his pocket. A reminder of what he really wants to do, of who he really wants to call. He takes it out of his pocket and stares down at the screen, he has a message from Cale that has a picture of him and Tommy snuggling on a beach somewhere. Kris switches it off.

It's been a strange few months. He feels like he should be having some kind of huge identity crisis. Realising he is gay is a huge deal and yet he can't quite grasp just how much nothing has actually changed. But then why would it? He is still Kris. Still himself. Kris thinks about Cale and Tommy and how easy it's been for them to fall into their relationship. Kris has never been like that, he has always been awkward and unsure when it came to giving a part of himself to someone else. Maybe it's the fact that some how he knew his relationships would never work on some level. Deep down he knew something was missing, something didn't work like it should. He felt for the longest time it was him and in a way it was. It took him longer to figure out who he is. Now he feels like there should be some big revelation, but there's just this. Feelings building up, that he doesn't know how to express, wanting someone who he has no idea whether they want him back.

He could just tell Adam all of this. They've been talking enough recently and learning more about one another for the tension that was once between them to have completely vanished. Kris just doesn't want his confession to add a whole new level of tension that they won't get through.

He picks up speed, wanting to be home. Wanting the comfort of his room. He'll think about calling Adam then, asking when he is coming back and maybe even confessing that he missed him. He'll think about it later.



Adam is sitting on Kris' bed when Kris pushes the door open. He is staring at a picture of him and his family on the wall, smiling slightly.

“Kris! Hi.” Adam jumps up off the bed and crosses the room towards Kris. He hesitates slightly, stopping with his arms out like he wants to hug Kris but doesn't know if he can. Kris steps forward and closes the distance and it's enough for Adam to tug Kris close to him. Kris face plants Adam's shoulder. It feels good, he has missed Adam's smell, Adam's energy, just Adam.

They have never hugged before, it just dawns on Kris. But this hug, he wonders if there will ever be anything more perfect. Even as Adam pulls away he is slow and reluctant, just as Kris is.

“Why are you here? I mean... I'm happy you are but I didn't think you'd be back for a few more days.”

“My Grandma's a lot better, she's out of the hospital and bitching at my mom for worrying too much. Besides, I... and you will think I am totally lame, I kind of missed you.”

“Oh. I... that's not lame. I really missed you too.”

“Really?” Adam's whole face lights up, there's that moment again when Kris thinks Adam might break out in a happy dance.

“Talking to you was fast becoming the highlight of my day. I mean I was surrounded by old people so you didn't have much competition.”

“Such high praise.”

Adam sits down on Kris' bed crossing his long legs in front of him and patting the bed, telling Kris to sit down. “So what have you done today? Did you hang out with James again?”

Kris sits down opposite Adam, enjoying the lack of make-up covering his face. “Yeah. He got me a gig actually.”

“No way! Where?”

“It's just at the coffee place in town a couple of nights a week but it's something right?”

“That's great. Do you know what you're going to sing?”

“I haven't even thought about it really, I just found out a couple of hours ago and my heads been kind of full of other stuff.”

“What kind of stuff?”

Kris freezes. Adam's eyes are wide and interested, his dark hair falling slightly across his face. He is too damn beautiful for Kris to be able to say this. Instead he licks his lips, takes a deep breath in and leans forward to press his lips against Adam's.

Neither of them moves at first, it's pretty much just Kris, his lips still against Adam's. He had been counting on Adam to do something, pushing him away or the best outcome, reciprocating. Instead Adam does nothing. Kris can't pull back though, he can't pull back and see the questions on Adam's face, so he moves slightly, opening his mouth and kissing against Adam's lips again, once, twice, three times and then Adam's lips open and meet his and everything moulds into a perfect kind of bliss.

He never pictured himself and Adam kissing, he never thought about what kind of kisser Adam would be. He isn't sure there are enough positive words in the English dictionary to describe it. The only way he can even think of it, the only description he has is that Adam kisses with his whole body. It's like he is feeling it from the tips of his toes to the top of his head and he makes Kris feel it with him. His hands are like a tight vice grip on Kris' back urging him to wriggle forward to make less room between them.

It's how Kris ends up in Adam's lap, kissing him furiously, teeth biting and tongues searching. He lets Adam kiss him fast and hard, then slow and soft, deep and tender. He doesn't know how long they are tangled together for, they change positions so many times. Kris underneath Adam, Kris sitting across Adam's lap, Adam on his back and Kris on top of him... so many different kisses, so many different ways and every single one of them is perfect.

The last thing he remembers before he falls asleep is in fact kissing Adam.



When Kris wakes up it's dark but he can feel the warmth of a body beneath him and that's when he remembers what he has done. He refuses to freak out about it. Adam had kissed him back and seemed very much as into it as Kris was. The soft moans of Kris' name and Adam grinding against him confirmed that much. Or maybe Adam was just being polite. Maybe Kris was the poor newbie gay guy that Adam took pity on. Not that Adam seemed like that kind of person at all. No, maybe Adam just likes Kris.

“Hmm... you're awake.”

“I am.” Kris mumbles the words against Adam's shirt, taking in the smell of Adam and the feel of the long line of his body beneath him.

“Are you okay with this?” Adam puts his hand under Kris' shirt and runs a hand up against Kris' back. “Us, I mean.”

“Are you?”

Adam's body moves as he laughs. “I asked first.”

“I kissed you first. It's your turn.”

“Good point.”

Kris snuggles in closer, his fingers finding Adam's neck, stroking softly.

“Yes.” Adam whispers the words. “I am more than okay with this.”

Kris smiles. “Me too.”

Kris still feels sleepy, his eyes are heavy and Adam's arms are around him, his fingers stroking Kris' back softly. He is vaguely aware of Adam whispering something in his ear and it's the last thing he hears before he falls asleep again. “I've wanted this for a long time.”



“Are you ready?”

“Adam, this is ridiculous.”

Adam covered Kris' eyes about two minutes ago and has refused to relent. Apparently the moment Kris meets Jonathan the goldfish has to be perfect.

“No, it's not.”

“You and Jonathan are quickly becoming the most important people in my life...”

Kris laughs because only Adam would form such a bond with a goldfish so quickly. Adam whips his hands away with a “Ta-dah” and then jumps in front of Kris.

“Kris meet Jonathan. Jonathan meet Kris.”

Kris pushes Adam out the way and stares down at the little fish bowl. Jonathan is happily swimming around, completely oblivious to Kris and how crazy Adam is.

“You're a dork you know that?” Kris turns to face Adam.

“That's a lot better than what you used to think about me.”

“That's true.”

“Do you like Jonathan?” Adam smiles widely, pulling Kris into his arms.

Kris nods. “I think this is the start of a beautiful relationship.”

Adam clearly notes Kris' sarcasm. The smile on Kris' face gets kissed away by Adam.
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